Just Talking
by Jennifer Longbottom
Summary: PG-13 for not-so-subtle innuendo by Sirius. The Marauders and Lily have a nice chat during History of Magic. Pointless, but amusing.


A/N: Just a short piece of dialogue during a History of Magic session from our favourite troublemakers and Lily. Appropriately enough, I wrote this during a History lesson. 

N.B. About Peter, McGonagall describes him as a 'tag-along'. I picture him as not quite fully accepted into the Marauders. They looked after him, and because he was with them all the time, James and Sirius would not have been able to keep the Animagi plan secret from him, nor Remus's lycanthropy. About Lily: She is James's girlfriend, and they know she knows about Remus. They haven't told her about the Animagi, but she has worked it out secretly.

Disclaimer: Only Amy belongs to me. The rest belong to J.K. Rowling. By the way, did you hear that she got married recently? It was in _The Observer_ and most of the tabloids. The information that Voldemort means 'flight from death' comes from various websites that I can't remember the names of, sorry. It may be slightly faulty, due to my slightly faulty memory.

Just Talking 

Sirius: Let's play Spin the Bottle!

Lily: No chance, Si. Last time I had to kiss you, remember?

Sirius: But that's how you and Jamesie got together.

Remus: It's also how you and Amy broke up. It depressed you for about five minutes, until I told you how to get into our Honeydukes stash.

Lily: _(shuddering)_ That was his worst sugar rush yet, I think.

Remus: No, that was when he tried to kill Snape - and failed.

Sirius: My next attempt WILL succeed. It must! And you and Amy played tonsil hockey for at least two minutes! _(primly)_ I consider I did the right thing in dumping her.

Remus: Except for the fact that she looked up, said I was a much better kisser, and then dumped you for me, that's true enough.

James: And you were only depressed because she was the first girl to dump you instead of vice versa.

Sirius: Her lack of loyalty wounded me deeply.

Remus: Correction. It wounded your _pride_ deeply.

Lily: Though, considering that his pride is his biggest quality...

Sirius: You're forgetting my stunningly handsome looks.

Lily: …Though his powers of self-delusion run it a close second.

Peter: How can you talk so meaninglessly, so insultingly, when You-Know-Who is out there? He might be stalking the moors relentlessly, planning to torture us for _fun_!

Lily: Have you been reading Victorian melodrama again, Peter?

Remus: I don't think he'd bother. Besides, he'd need to catch us first. Right, Sirius? _Sirius_?

Sirius: _(reflectively) _Have you ever thought what a funny name Voldemort is? I mean, it's really weird. 'Mort' means 'death', I know, but what does 'Vold' mean?

Remus: I think the whole thing means 'flight from death', but you're missing an 'e'. It's pronounced 'Voldie'.

Sirius: _(happily)_ Mouldy Voldie!

_(They all give him strange looks.)_

Remus: Everybody conjure some kind of weapon. He may turn violent.

Sirius: Shut up, Moony. Mouldy Voldie! It rhymes!

James: _(conjuring a black cloak and a Halloween mask)_ LORD VOLDEMORT! TREMBLE AT THE NAME!

Remus: Very good, James, but it'd be better if you wore a mask.

James: Ha, ha. Very funny, Moony.

Peter: _(confused)_ But he _is_ wearing a mask – ohhh…

Remus/Sirius/Lily/James: Never mind, Peter.

Sirius: What are you going to name your kids?

_(They give him more strange looks. Lily and James edge away nervously.)_

Sirius: No, I'm serious, no pun intended.

Remus: We'd better listen to him, he's actually living up to his name. This phenomenon happens just once in a millennium – 

Sirius: _(ignoring him)_ Hypothetically – 

Remus: Ooh! Padfoot's learnt a new word. 

Sirius: _(still attempting to ignore him)_ What would you name your children?

Lily: I like the name Lucy. Nathalie is nice, too. I'd like a big family. Not all girls, though.

James: What would you name the boys?

Lily: Jason, perhaps. Or David. I want four children by the time I'm thirty.

Sirius: _(smirking) _So, James, start getting it on _right_ now…_(He points down at his privates)._

Lily: You dirty-minded b-!

Remus: And here we have an example of the _pitiful_ Sirius Black wit. Honestly, I've seen Snape give better retorts than that…

Sirius: One more word out of the peanut gallery, Moony, and you are _so_ gonna get it.

James: I like the name Harry.

Sirius: _(scandalised) _Harry? Are you _sure_ you don't want something more ambitious? Like Fabian? Manfred? Or Napoleon? Make him proud of his heritage, for God's sake!

Peter: _(disbelievingly) _You're a nutter.

Remus: You've only just worked that out? He was a nutter six years ago when we first met him, he's still a nutter now. Heaven help us if he ever gets put in Azkaban.

James: Only if it's for killing Snape. _That_ would be a service to the community.

Lily: Be fair. Sirius would only be put in Azkaban if he betrayed you, James.

Sirius: _(with sudden feeling) _I'd deserve it

Remus: Miracle of miracles! Sirius Black is not only living up to his name, an extra marvel is occurring. He is actually discussing a topic with actual feeling! This will never happen again in his lifetime, viewers, so watch carefully.

Sirius: Right, that's it. _(He lunges at Remus, who fends off the attack with a practised hand.)_

Professor Binns: Potty, Brackets, Loophole, Pattycake, Evita, what are you doing?

_(The five sixth years look at each other.)_

James/Sirius/Remus/Lily/Peter: Just talking, sir.


End file.
